Oscar Time

MARCH 1, 2014

No, no don't run away. I'm here to help.

Our annual collision between large screen fantasy and small screen fiction is about to commence. And nobody can explain what it means. That might be because it is profoundly without meaning. With that in mind I offer my annual take on the future of Hollywood. This is all certifiably correct. Mock my words.

Thanks to the perfect team of Susan Brenneman and Wes Bausmith at the LA Times who made this page of Sunday funnies possible.


"The Wolf of Wall Street: Let's Do Lunch"
Hungry Comcast CEO Brian Roberts decides whom to eat today.
"Inside Llewyn Davis II"
Ted Cruz plays dated tunes at a tea party. Nobody shows up.
"Gravity: More Falling"
Chris Christie stars as a huge disintegrating space station.
"The Hobbit: The Search for Water"
Jerry Brown tries to save the Shire with the help of elves and trolls.
"Jackass presents: Bad Grandpas"
The Koch brothers tour the US finding interesting stunts for voters.
"Frozen: Way Down Souith"
The southern US freezes solid, is sold to Birds Eye.
"Blue Jazz Man"
Pathetic guy makes a mess of his personal life, sits in an airport talking to himself.
"Her: 2016"
Everybody falls in love with Hillary Clinton after she receives a new circuit board.
Here's my layout for Sunday's paper. 
May the funniest celebrities win.